Twenty Five is the New Fifty Two

Well, I’m not entirely sure how P. Diddy feels, but the guy has enough money to hire somebody to give him a piggy back ride everywhere, so I am assuming he feels pretty stellar.

I feel pretty good today. I decided instead of taking my usual nap after work that I was going to stay awake and take a run. Well, my run turned into a three hour run/walk all over the city. It felt really, really good!

I just sent a friend of mine the following text:
“I decided I’m done being depressed. Let’s hang out.”

Yay me.

No granola bar bingers today.

6:45am 
1- 25MG Topiramate tablet
1- Lisinopril Tablet
Hot green Tea w/Lemon
0 Calories

7:15am
1- 30MG Adderall XR Capsule 

I decided that I am going to take my Topiramate and Adderall separately to see if that helps. Basically, I feel as if they counteract each other because the Topiramate makes me disoriented and forgetful, and the Adderall is supposed to help me concentrate. My doctor said one shouldn’t effect the other, but I feel as if they do.

But hey, what do I know? I dropped out of art school…

I ate three granola bars this morning because I am depressed and eating is the only thing that gives me feelings these days.

I never knew you could simultaneously feel “full” and “empty.”

What I am doing with my life? Ugh.

I just found out yesterday that I will be in a show for Bebe next week, so my better eating really needs to start today. I am really not sure how I can be so on-track with my healthy diet habits, then fall off so quickly.

I know a big downfall of mine is being around other people with bad habits, because I have very little will power when it comes to choosing a salad when everyone else is eating pizza.

So here I am, actually trying to stick to my word and keep a “diary,” of sorts, on what I eat, do, meds I take, and how I am feeling on a particular day: I’ll try not to leave anything out, because I don’t think that will be helpful in any way.

So far today:

9am

One 30mg Adderall XR Capsule; One 25MG Topiramate Tablet
(I ran out of my BP medicine; need to see doctor for a refill)

Two 1/4 cup servings of GK Snack’s Cranberry Nut Mix:
140 calories (60 fat calories) per serving- 280 (120)

12:30pm

One medium tomato seasoned with pepper
15 Calories (0 fat calories) per serving- 15 (0)

CalNaturale Svelte Protein Drink
260 Calories (90 fat calories) per serving- 260 (90)

I also feel really tired, and kind of on the depressed side. I had to bar-tend right after my full-time job yesterday, and ended up staying until close, so it was a long night. I squeezed in what was more like a three hour nap before I had to be up again for work. I normally get about 4-hours of sleep a night, so this is even less than my usual small amount. My brain has just been keeping me awake with a lot of things, and the Soma makes it hard to wake up if I don’t give it enough time to wear-off.

I hope the sad, stagnant feeling is just the back-from-vacation blues and not the life-sucking, “woe is me” mental state that leaves me posted-up on the couch for days at a time in silence. However, being withdrawn is a side-effect of the Topiramate that I hate. I really do keep photos, writings, etc. to remind me that I am happy and my life is beautiful.

Still at work now and there is proof-reading to be done, as well as research and programming to work on.

I’ll also keep a careful watch on what goes in my mouth…